i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
