His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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