i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just found puke in my bra..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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