Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
