Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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