Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
