We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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