I hate your face
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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