My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
