apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
