WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
