I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
