i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
