So drunk its hurt
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
