The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
