How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
