We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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