Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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