Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
