batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
