have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
