It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
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dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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