My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
