apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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