and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
