Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Farmville is her only friend.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize