When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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