One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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