their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
