Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
