so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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