You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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