He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
