Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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