I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think my moral compass just broke
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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