hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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