Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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