She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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