bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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