we have pet lesbian snakes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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