She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
