Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
