I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
