he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
