My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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