none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
