We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
