She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
