I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
