she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
