thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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