I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
