Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
