my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
