i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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