A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no you cant smoke seaweed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
