Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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