Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
