About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A+ Viking dick
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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