Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
