if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
MIDGETS
????
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
