Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
