Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
