I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
