Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
