Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
