I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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