she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
