I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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