I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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