My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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