u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
